1. The best way to know when your asparagus is done is when you’re bored and don’t want to wait to eat it.
2. Breast cancer is a made of suck disease that attacks one of my very favourite organs of ladies.
3. Albert Einstien was a Physicist. Not a quotation generation machine.
4. Dora, you’re weird. You’re a toddler, you should be inside.
5. Doctor pepper ten. It’s not for women. It’s for apparently, misogynists.
6. Hank, if you could be an athlete, who would you be? This would challenge Hank’s ability to name an athlete.
7. The venn diagram of boys who don’t like smart girls and boys you don’t wanna date is a circle.
8. There are going to be some people in your life who do not wanna kiss you.
9. When I was a kid, I believed that the definition of “Rich” was that you had stairs in your house.
10. Oh my god, I am a banana.
11. Whenever I would bring a girlfriend home, mom would show her my baby pictures and say, “Look at that tiny penis! When he came out of my body, I was like are you sure that’s a boy?” and I would call up Mad Eye Moody and be like, “I’m gonna need a disillusionment charm. ASAP.”
12. I don’t wanna film the yeti because I think her cute will break the camera.
13. I am very bad at video games, but I’m very passionate about them.
14. If you’re not the person giving birth, it’s time for you to say “You’re doing awesome!” and then faint.
15. Hank, I’ve been thinking about this. What is keeping you from being the next Justin Beiber.
16. Whenever you’re furious with your parents, just remember that you vomited on them, and they kept you.
17. Next you’ll tell me that six to the fifth power is not four.
18. Fishing boat proceeds are the unicorn of my tax returns!
19. I’m very lazy, not that I don’t work hard, but I don’t move much.
20. Even though my baby is gonna have a doofus for a dad, he’s gonna have an awesome mom. And an awesome Uncle Hank and Aunt Katherine.
joulaitte: Tyler Hoechlin bought Girl Scout cookies from me…WHAT?! #mylifeiscomplete #perksofstillbeingagirlscout
You just leave us behind.Is that what you’re gonna do to me?
they’re so CUTE
If Lupita is the real life Disney Princess, can Jennifer be the real life quirky side kick?
guys GUYS my paper is accepted so i’m going to oxford for a conference this july and i’m going to meet merel afterward
#professor hottie (via drunktuesdaze)
UHM i’m going to be needing a comprehensive list of all the sections he teaches in.
I’m gonna say FILM 346: The
Role of Impressionism in Post-war German Cinema
#professor hale goes on mini tangents when he gets excited#then gets embarrassed and apologetic#he knows they have a syllabus to get to#but anyone who wants to stop by office hours can talk further#stiles took this as a blow off class#but professor hottie is the only one gettin blown#HEYO
HEYO but what if stiles took it as a blow off class and then gets super into it and not just because he wants to lick professor hale’s beard, but because he’s genuinely interested in the material. at first he goes to hale’s office hours to pretend he’s struggling with finding sources for his paper, but professor hale is so earnest and helpful and he gives stiles all these books to look into, and it’s not like stiles can just not read them, no, he has to read them because he can picture the quickly-shuttered look of disappointment on professor hale’s face if stiles tells him he didn’t read the books, so he reads the goddamn books and it’s actually. kind of interesting? and pretty soon he’s getting all stiles-y about it, trying to absorb as much information as he possibly can, which means he’s in professor hale’s office nearly ever day for actual legitimate reasons - okay, yeah, he’s got a boner the whole time, especially when professor hale says things like ontological or auteurism or contemporaneous, but that seems to actually work to stiles’s advantage because in an attempt to cover his embarrassed arousal, he acts like a smart ass, calling hale out on everything, and in order to maintain his ability to be smart ass, he has to keep up in class - not just keep up, but get ahead of the class - which means even more time in the library and hale’s office, sometimes using hale’s office as a library because his books are way more relevant to what stiles wants to know, and hale doesn’t seem to mind when stiles just shows up out of the blue to sit on his couch and read in silence. stiles never takes the books out of the office, even though derek offers, until one day stiles realizes that maybe that’s derek’s super non-confrontational way of asking stiles to leave him alone. he feels like an idiot for not taking the hint sooner.
MEANWHILE derek can’t figure out why stiles stops coming around all the time, so he assumes it was just because stiles finally picked up on the creepy lecherous vibe that derek was putting out. it’s not like derek meant to get a crush on a student, that’s never happened before, but stiles is so engaged with the material and smart and clever and insightful and sarcastic and so breath-takingly beautiful and yeah whatever maybe part of the reason derek kept telling stiles to take some books home with him was because he liked the idea of something of his being so close to stiles in such an intimate way, and jesus christ he’s a fucking creep, no wonder stiles doesn’t want to hang out in his office anymore.